I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
