he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
