So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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