I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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