Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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