can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
