This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
