so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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