Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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