I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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