i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My breasts were aching with rage.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
