I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Randomize
