i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
