Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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