She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
