I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
