The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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