He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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