What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
