I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
