I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
