i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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