Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
