Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
