I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
