Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
