I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
