He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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