Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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