You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
