Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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