it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
