if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
