Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
