i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
