There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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