My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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