I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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