I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
