somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
