I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
