It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
