why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
