That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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