I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
