Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
