You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
