oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
bring money and cleavage
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
