All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
