how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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