Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
