Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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