my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
