people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
