so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
