When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.