PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
