Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
