I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i drank out of a bidet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
