Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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