he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
