I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
