I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
