dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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