considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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