White coat. Heels.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
