Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
