is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
