Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
