Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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