Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
