i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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